I started to struggle at about 4 km into the race as the weather warmed up and my fingers started swelling (happens to me on hot days).  Continued running while moving my stiff fingers, I looked up and saw the big sign on the board:

36 km

That’s the distance marker for the full marathoners.  As part of our courses shared the same track, I could see their distance marker too while running my 10K.  I was thinking to myself, ‘Hm.., they have that far to go..’  What is 10K compared to 42K?  It doesn’t make you less tired, but it certainly put things in perspective.

That’s what I think too when I see people going through life much harder than me.  Seeing what others face doesn’t take away your pain, but it does help bring you back to reality (the reality that I’m not the centre of the world, this is a broken world with messed up lives, and many others face far worse trials than me).  Not consolatory thoughts?  But that perspective helps keep me going.

There was a point where people just swarmed up this hill to cut across to the other side instead of running round the winding path ahead as you should be doing in covering the course.  I was thinking, ‘Shame on you for taking the shortcut.’  But then I very soon wondered if that’s really a shortcut (they sure thought it was).

A shorter distance when you cut across, but in running it takes more energy up the hill.  That’s why some run zig zag (like a crab ) when running a steep slope – you cover more distance but effectively on a gentler slope and that actually preserves you more energy than running vertically up the hill.  So it is, sometimes in taking what we think is an easier route we may instead do ourselves disservice and end up worse than otherwise would have been.  Why not use the energy in pressing on ahead instead of draining it to do some other funny things?

Something that becomes clear is that not everyone is made for the same thing!  You can do all you want: fix your posture, train properly, diligent with your physio exercises, get new pair of runners, wear the $30 pair of blister free socks, tie your shoe laces, but still end up wrecked.  Interestingly, people intuitively attribute it to something external each time.

‘Did you do / not do .. ?’,

‘Have you forgotten to..’,

‘May be try ..’

One small toe nail is coming off (not too bad as my two big toe nails came off last year!).  And so many blisters in the past 2 months.  ‘Do you have a flat feet?’  No, I actually don’t.  I would like to think I get all these blisters because of my delicate feet!  But more likely, I’m just not made for running. 

On the other hand, some people just are!  I bumped into a friend on the train station who also did 10K, but he finished in 39 min (within top 100 position)!  On the night of the race, a friend who did her first FULL marathon said, ‘Before this I thought you must be crazy like A to run a full marathon, but after I’ve done this, it’s actually not as hard as I thought.’  WHAT!  She’s just as crazy as A indeed.  She didn’t even train properly for the run.  That same night I asked another person who also did 10K (the first organised race he’s been to) if he’ll do it again, he said, ‘yeah, I can do this again.  Tomorrow.’  I don’t even wanna think of any next run and it crossed his mind he could do it again the very next day.

It took awhile to sink in, I wasn’t sure if they’re joking.  

So, weather makes a lot of difference.  Just a few degrees, just a little bit more sun, and the wind, they all make a BIG difference.

I think that’s what it’s like with human experience.  What pervades your sky sets the tone of your daily experience.  E.g., people with depression may have a gloom that hangs invariably around them, weariness about life that lingers persistently so that everything seems like an effort.  What does that mean?  You make the effort then.  I do not think we have much say over the weather around us, or even the feelings within us for that matter.  If either or both happen to be unfriendly, that just calls for more effort on our part (at the very least that’s what’s required, and this is the only one we have a say over anyway).  Just like what I did with my training runs on unfavourable weather days when the same step feels harder, so put in extra efforts.

On the topic of depression, an excerpt I’ve read from Matthias MiniZine,

“.. these principles are generally applicable for most depressed and anxious people.  Their condition doesn’t absolve them of all responsibility for their actions, even though those around them will make allowances for their reduced capacity at times. .. we won’t always get it right.  But I think the principle is important. .. that in spite of the reduced capacity of the sufferers, their cognitive processes still have a significant effect on their functioning.”

Speaking of cognitive power, my grandma could alter her body temperature almost at will in that last decade or so of her life.  Looking real bad, ‘We’re going casino’, she got up again.  Doctor asked us to be prepared for the worst, ‘When you’re better, let’s go to Singapore MBS casino,’ her eyes twinkled brightly again.  Not once or twice, we actually lost count.

Anyway, another excerpt from the same reading in Matthias MiniZine,

“I asked .. how he managed to persevere .., despite his struggle.  His answer (also with tears in his eyes) was “sheer stubbornness”.  The more I go through life, the more I understand what he was saying: he was determined, by the strength the Spirit provided, to cling to the goodness of God and to do what was right, no matter how uncomfortable or painful his own emotional state.”

In a way, it is comforting to know circumstance without and feelings within don’t change facts, they do not necessarily correlate to reality.  So in a sense, very truly, it doesn’t matter, for the truth stands the same.  And as a Christian, the truth I cling to brings peace, when I think hard enough (which I don’t do often enough).

Rest after Race?

Of course, I haven’t been running for a week now since!  And since my blisters have recovered well, yesterday I went to the gym jacuzzi  at last (can’t go before because my friend said I will contaminate the pool! ).

But since no more training schedule to keep up with, so now what?

I think I’m rested by now, so on to the next thing.  Not running!  But just the next thing.  People sometimes say ‘just sit around and do nothing’, or ‘sit home and rot’,  I think that’s true – you will really rot if you try to do nothing.  If not outwardly yet, inwardly soon enough.

So now, on to the next thing