Earlier this week, a friend texted me a link to a recent article on Joshua Harris, asking for my thoughts.
I said it’s not surprising because:
- I think it only appears as sudden, but it certainly is not. You don’t know what happens in a person’s heart.
- Christianity itself says you don’t know which camp you’re on until the very end (i.e., only harvest time tells). Even those who so-called go around casting out demons in Jesus’ name may not be one of His (Matthew 7:21-23).
Those popped up in my mind initially when I first heard the news. There are no doubt all kinds of responses out there: some decry it, others think he did the best thing given the situation, some are just sad, still others aren’t bothered by it (and there are Christians in each of those).
Upon reflection, here’re more thoughts.
What makes you think you won’t do the same?
If you say, ‘because God who started the good work in me will keep me till the end,’ do you think Joshua Harris didn’t think that too when he was writing his best selling books? He didn’t know then that 2 decades down the road he’ll renounce his writing altogether with his faith.
So I think a better response is ‘I don’t know’. I hope I wouldn’t, but I don’t know. I hope I wouldn’t because I believe Christianity is true, but if it isn’t then there is no point of keeping it. Have you not doubt your own belief? Or have a fundamental change in your worldview? I have. That’s why I am a Christian.
After I became a Christian, there have also been times when I seriously doubted, but as it is, I still am one at this point. Everyone has their journey and you don’t know what someone’s gone through to be where they are. From what I gather, it seems that Joshua and his wife Shannon grew up in a religious culture that plays on people’s fear and guilt inappropriately. If that’s really the case, then no wonder any of them walk away at all (may be should have done so earlier). Then no wonder it doesn’t last, but that would be like throwing away what’s not Christianity from the start anyway.
How do you know what you have is genuine if not tested?
Last week in a discussion with some friends, someone asked, ‘Do you find trust easy or hard to do?’ Some said it depends: it is easy in good times but not so in hard times. I think not that it is easy to trust in good times but rather, it is easy to think you trust in good times, but the hard times will reveal how much you actually trust.
The validity of your worldview is something worth thinking about. Not just the religious, but everyone has certain beliefs on fundamental reality that drive how they live and they’re staking their lives on it whether or not they acknowledge or even realise it.
Like ‘an unexamined life is not worth living’ (Socrates), it seems to me untested faith has little worth keeping (or at least you can’t tell of its quality. For how else would you know? Not by mere feelings that’s anything but reliable). So if you are honest in pursuing the truth, you would be open to attacks to your fundamentals and not afraid to let any of your houses of cards fall.
If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards.
C.S. Lewis
Should I care of the impact on others?
Joshua Harris has undoubtedly influenced many over the years, including my friend who is thus shocked by the news. I am glad though he chooses to walk away rather than repackage (and misrepresent) the faith so he can still wear the Christian label for no good reason and confusing many along the way. Whatever he’s done to process his thoughts, he’s come to conclude his faith is not compatible with his view on what truth is, so he quits. That seems quite honest to me.
In times of my struggles, I have questioned myself if I hold on to some beliefs out of conviction or convenience. Big questions in life aren’t ones you can prove as in mathematics, but you’ll still have to decide what to believe as true and base your life on it, and assess along the way if it stands the test of time in consistency with reality as you live it.
I had experienced where someone I looked up to ended up in blatant moral bankruptcy. I wavered and wrestled, but I passed that. But even now, I know there’re people I highly respect whose catastrophic fall will have a huge impact on me. But each such time presents an opportunity for me to question where the foundation of my beliefs lie. Is it in the person or the truth the person had pointed me to itself? Sometimes when you think about it, what happens may actually make an even stronger case for a system of belief if in the framework of that belief it makes sense of why such a person may fall (for example).
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
James 1:2-3
So far the faith has stood, and I hope it remains conviction and not convenience that I will hold on to.
Too early to tell
What happens to Joshua Harris says nothing of the validity of his belief or non belief. It only shows that people can change.
It’s not easy to decide a fundamental change in your identity in your 40s. It obviously costs him, but he said on his Instragram, ‘I feel very much alive, and awake, and surprisingly hopeful.’
But nor was it easy for Rosaria Butterfield who converted to Christianity in her late 30s after being heavily invested in lesbian lifestyle and activism. In her conversion, she said she ‘lost everything but the dog, yet gained eternal life.’
Listening to them recounting their journeys, each seems to me like honest, genuine, thinking people. They obviously think it’s worth it. But that doesn’t make them right or mistaken in itself. What you feel, even at those momentous points of change, is just that: a feeling. It may change. Making public that present sentiment doesn’t mean it will stand the test of time. So we’ll just have to wait and see.
My takeaways
Don’t be too sure of myself
It doesn’t mean I am not wholehearted in my fundamental values and beliefs. I think it is possible to live sincerely with conviction of heart while being open to correction, both in smaller aspects of a belief system and complete knocking down of a worldview.
So, what I’m saying is if you think you’ve found the truth, live it out consistently and keep asking and searching while doing so, and open ears to people of different opinions anyway. If your faith is worth keeping, it will not only stand but should gain strength the more it weathers attacks.
Being open to changes is important also because the heart is deceitful, it has a thousand ways to fool you.
Honestly Evaluate
Besides being open, I should be honest. Every now and then life corners you to examine yourself. But hopefully that’s not the only time I really reflect. Especially in today’s frantic world of constant flitting stimulation and random information overload, if I don’t deliberately make time to evaluate how I live, it’s highly probable I will be packing my days with nothing but menial distractions and trip into the coffin one day no wiser than I’m older.
So I try to question myself in the light of what I observe and experience in life. That’s also why I enjoy things like the Christianity Explored course my church is currently running. It provides a comfortable space for people to explore big questions and share experiences and thoughts. We watch a short video each week and chat about it. An example of week 1 video (taken from CE Website):
Recognise my limitation
It is possible for one to hold to a belief and live according to it genuinely and be found out to be wrong in the end.
What does that say? It’s not like it depends on you. It doesn’t absolve your responsibility of due diligence, but it says you don’t have the ultimate say.
Bleak? It can be taken wrongly, but as a Christian it is actually comforting because while I may cynically and mockingly say ‘So God have mercy on us!’, I have enough reason to believe He is indeed merciful. There can be a dozen follow-up questions / objection at that, but that’s another topic.
For now, I do find comfort in what someone said, ‘it is not our weak hold on God but His strong grasp on us that will see us through.’ It is reassuring that I don’t have to have everything under control (i.e., to be God) as I let God be God and rest in the fact that I am not.