One sure thing Covid-19 has made us realise is that we’re not in control (although that has in fact always been the case). Any morning when you walk out of your house (or, in today’s context, out of bed but stay within your house 🏠), you do not know what awaits you in the day: whom you may meet, what you may find out, news you may hear, how you may be affected. In fact, everything life-altering has happened in that way, let alone other smaller but significant things.

Recently, that’s what happened to me as I stopped over somewhere on my way to a friend’s. I haven’t figured it all out, but it’s like that kind of experience when something triggers you more than you expected. A sense of restlessness and agitation accompany you for the rest of the night and in the days to come, and you know something’s not quite right. For me, it probably means something hasn’t quite been resolved yet, may be it’s just been dormant. May be I had left a corner of breeding cockroaches covered in the corner so that once in a while, I’m shocked and disgusted when some of the damned cockroaches make their appearance.

We all have different experiences but similar identifiable struggles at the same time. So, without going into the details I’ll still be able to share what I’ve reflected from this recent experience.

The control freak within

There’s so much crap in us that when triggered, they naturally flow out all over – the crappy way. Hopefully, as we mature, we notice that initial response changes over time, with less impulsive reaction and more thoughtful response.

Many times the agitation is driven by a feeling of or the urge to be in control, especially of things that are obviously not under your control. I guess that’s what many parents feel about their children, but this kind of exasperation applies to other relationships too. With respect to other people, you can’t change hearts.

However, you can rest in God being in control over all things.

They are not, He is.

Do you trust God? If yes, then you learn to let go..

A string of lessons (& blessings) 💬

Because I can trust God to be sovereign, I firstly learn self-control over urges to react according to my strongest impulse, to act or speak hastily. I wouldn’t give it a night thought if I hadn’t trusted God, I would jump to action immediately if I think noone else can set things in order but me.

Instead, I am learning to hold back and think it through so I may do things that’s helpful instead. And I learn to choose to be kind however I respond.

I am also reminded that I need to learn to stay within my boundary, to respect and treat others as responsible adults. That means to learn to let them decide on their own life and learn their own lesson – be it the ruin of it. There are some decisions you can’t make them do.

One of the most frustrating things is to see people you care about insist on their blindness and carry on their foolish ways you see plainly in broad daylight. Your heart cries out, ‘Do not go near the edge, you’ll fall into the pit of vomit! Why can’t you see? Why won’t you see?’ But if they won’t, they won’t no matter, and you have to let them.

So, let it be and be totally disturbed? No, I learn to be quiet instead (though it takes time), and to taste the peace of God that surpasses understanding. Not because I have become indifferent, but because I get perspective when I turn to Him who has the whole world in His hands.

True strength only in surrender 🛐

Not only I get perspective that quietens my heart, but I also know whatever else I have gone or will go through, I can trust and thank God in growing and building me up through the trials.

But that’s only true if I acquisce to His will. The way forward is only in leaning back on Him.

One of the valuable things I have found is that it’s good to struggle and think it through yourself, at least at first. I’m talking about not giving in to the tendency of blurting out to the first person you meet (or even worse, go your way find someone to pour your soul to) as soon as you meet a trouble of some sorts that unsettles you.

At times (depending on the specific situation), I felt like not having someone to speak to when I needed to. While that may be true in one sense, it is also true that God has given me such opportunity to think it through quietly myself (with Him). Also, it may not be the right time to share with anyone yet. And, you may be sparing the person (or yourself) in speaking unhelpful nonsense or encouraging all the wrong sentiments before you carefully sort out your thoughts.

What I’m trying to say is there is something precious to be found only between you and God if you will go to Him, and that will send you out in strength. It is beneficial. 🙂

Envy not the wicked

Everyone comes with a garbage in their past, many of which are natural consequences of your actions.

Everyone also has unfulfilled hope, some felt more keenly or routinely than others.

But you’ve gotta learn to be content with your lot. And to trust you are not on plan B. That’s easy to fall into when you start to believe the lie that the wicked got away with things and seem to be doing better (see Psalm 73).

You do reap what you sow. But thank God that even you cannot muck up your life to a point where God cannot bring healing and restoration (if you would repent and turn back to Him).

Someone told me life is complex. I agree as far as that goes, and not further. Sometimes we make it more complex than it is in our desperation to justify ourself. There’s no limit to how low we’re willing to stoop when it comes to what our heart wrongfully desires, is there? Granted life is complex, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are clear rights and wrongs. Let’s not start calling good evil, and evil good.

Mind your own business

‘Keep to the straight and narrow.’ That’s the duty that brings true way to peace – if only we could always remain so focused! 🧐

Isn’t it true that we’re quick to judge and be harsh with others, while very lenient with ourselves even on the same mistake? Over time, I learn to focus on and work on my own plank instead of busy eye-balling others’ flaws.

Others will have to settle their own account. Their life choices aren’t your business. You may care, but they have to want to receive it. You may try to point them in the right direction, but they have to want to turn. If they decide to remain where they are for whatever reason that’s holding them there, then there they stay.

It reminds me of time when Peter asked Jesus,

When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?”  Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:21-22

When I find myself asking, ‘but what about .. ?’ chances are I’ve got my wrong focus.

As said in a book I’m reading, my duty is to do good, even when it’s with great anxiety and deep personal fears. That’s where great growth in Christian maturity happens.

Time is short, do the next thing, busy yourself with matters of the kingdom. That alone will last, every other pursuits ends in death. Do not be deceived, do not be distracted, re-direct your focus to God. Do your duty, and move on. Do your next duty, and move on.

Where’s the power plug?

Ever grow weary of doing good? Oh yes, for a multitude of reasons.

Depends on the motivation of why you do it. Say, if you do it for others, it won’t last. There’s a breaking point somewhere, e.g., when betrayed, or disappointed, or didn’t get what you want – in other words, when you do it for something or anything of this world.

The better alternative is that you could actually be doing good and while growing weary at some point, you come to understand more of the sustaining power and strength of doing it for God. For if you sincerely live your life for Him, the resource available to you is inexhaustible.

It reminds me of a recent convo I had with a friend. She told me of how a common friend of ours took the initiative to approach and spoke kindly to someone who had been fiercely going against him. ‘How could he do that? After what’s done to him, we wondered how he could bring himself to do that.’ Because he’s a mature person, he’s not caught up defending himself. Something else is holding him up.

So it is with every Christian who have chosen to trust and hence experience of God’s grace, as in the poem penned down by Annie J. Flint out of her pain:

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labours increase;

To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,

Our God ever yearns His resources to share;

Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;

The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Annie J. Flint