(Continued from part 1)

Thanks to the quietness of my home that is always a conducive space to struggle well with my thoughts, so instead of going around firing darts at random people, I wrestled myself and settled into some clarity of thoughts.

Not dismissing some valid concerns found even in my wholesale heap of accusations, but that there is a better perspective nonetheless. Here are some I’ve reflected on.

Hidden spring of troubles

Pride of heart is the source of many problems. That’s certainly true for me when I examine my heart. Offence came from a demand for justice, and demanded as though I’m righteous. I’m quick to judge others and cast the worst of motives to their actions while even quicker to excuse myself when I do find myself in the wrong. So, all things fair and square, I should have been treated worse – that is, I do get away with things because people do not see every hidden thought and intention in my heart. Funny how we’re so ready to receive undeserved grace, yet so unmerciful on others in the same position.

Also, the fact I was so bothered at being mistreated by others reveals I was inordinately driven by people’s approval. I was preoccupied with my ego. If, however, my foremost audience had been God and I worked for His cause ultimately, I wouldn’t have been so overly concerned by how others treated me. That is why the humblest and best servant of the Lord is the most free person of all indeed.

What is the aim again?🎯

Besides the state of my heart, I also came to see the disappointments was due to a wrong pursuit altogether. What is my aim? To be treated well? Or is something else the point rather?

The gap between knowing in your head but not in your heart is shown when your action betrays what you thought you believed. I thought I have learnt there are better and higher pursuits.

In a sense, without counting people as insignificant, I should not mind how they treat or disregard me. For I already have the regard of God Himself – that is the anchor that Christians have. So, live for Him and die for Him.

You’ll be okay to be on the outside if that be the case, and you should not seek to be in clique either – for these are the vain things in life.

Opportunities for growth

It may be inevitable to have certain expectations. While they may be valid, why bear the weight of their failing?

Here’s a call to bear in love: to respond kindly, to think of the best of intentions and motives, to be charitable towards people. After all, the church is the most diverse community, no wonder if you feel like a porcupine 🦔 in the mix of other porcupines 🦔🦔🦔. We’re together not because of common interest, social class, cultural background or economic status, but only because we share in the benefit of the work and person of Jesus Christ. We’re bonded by the thickest blood there is, that of Jesus Christ’s our Lord and Saviour.

God took us in where He found us, but every Christian is not saved to remain where he/she was. Growth happens when there needs to be patience and grace. If relationships go well all the time, there needs no practice of grace.

Casting eyes back where they belong

In the previous post, I answered the question ‘Aren’t there examples of humility and grace still?’ by saying, ‘Too few.’

Firstly, that’s because I am judgmental, so unable and unwilling to see the good in others. Hence ‘too few’.

Secondly, be it too few, yet is it not enough? How many do I need?

Even if there is none, Christ has already been given us as THE example. We need no other. Good if there are, but even if there’s none, I already have the example I need to emulate.

Counting the cost

If I call Jesus my Lord, I have to do what He says. There’s no point in calling Him Lord and live any way I want.

Jesus was mistreated, mocked, humiliated, crucified, and killed. When He calls us to follow Him, and when one professes faith in Christ, what does it mean to follow Him? In fact, the bible considers it a privilege to ‘suffer for righteousness’ sake’. It should not be a surprise even if we’re mistreated for righteousness’ sake (let alone for our own fault! 😬).

So, don’t nurture self pity, and know what you’ve walked into in following Christ. If I’m so self obsessed, I’ll be of very little use.

Also, one of the things the Lord asks to do is to forgive. Among other things, it is a good reminder that God has paid for their sins in Christ, so I’m asking for a double payment when I hold my brothers’ and sisters’ wrongdoings against them.

Be part of the solution

If I have properly understood the preceeding points, then it makes sense that even when I feel used (that some only come to me for something), I have to be willing to be used. I’m not talking about being a doormat. Of course there’s wisdom involved here, but in a very real sense, I ought to be willing to be disadvantaged – not out of ignorance, but knowingly and willingly. At the very least, not being too ready to defend myself, for that’s not the way of the servant hearted.

Therefore, go on, busy yourself in usefulness. E.g., if I see a problem of cliques in church, then be the one who walk up and talk to the strangers. Yes, as I’ve done, so keep doing. Do not grow weary of doing good nor grow resentful. Don’t give in to temptation to self-centredness and depression. Be part of the solution.

The words of Thomas Brooks continues to be a good reminder to me,

Your life is short, your duties many, your assistance great, and your reward sure; therefore faint not, hold on and hold up, in ways of well-doing, and heaven shall make amends for all.

Thomas Brooks

Do not confuse your burdens

Lastly, life is difficult and humans are complex. Sometimes you may find yourself making a big deal out of nothing because mental struggle is real and does spill over its mess to otherwise innocuous areas of your life.

It helps to clear the noise when I remember that future worries and past burdens are none of my business. My responsibilty is to act at present in obedience to God. As to the results or if some troubling things were to happen in future, they’re in God’s jurisdiction.

My part is to learn calm endurance. Seek to be simple, humble, diligent, and do the next ordinary thing. As God has given strength to those who seek refuge in Him, so He will keep His promise as always!

²⁸ Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30