I rode the bicycle around our neighbourhood like I do when I am back at Jakarta home, but it just occured to me this time that there is no zoning over there! I always rode within the boundary of our residential compound as it can be dangerous outside because there isn’t even pedestrian path, let alone cyclist’s path (roads in Indonesia are mostly built for cars only). As I rode, I went past 2 churches ⛪⛪, 1 buddhist temple📿, 2 schools 🏫🏫, 1 (surname) Soh centre ⛩️, 1 coffee shop ☕, and a few home laundrettes 👕.

A strange mix of things all within the gates of a so-called residential zone, welcome home 🙂

Road adventures you don’t plan for

I’m not a good driver on any day, but I was a really bad driver during this trip 🙁

I was driving Mom and we’re getting into the toll. They only accept certain payment cards (no credit/debit card or cash accepted 🤨), and the card in the car doesn’t have sufficient fund nor could I top it up there. The staff said my only option is to borrow the card from other drivers.

We waited at the toll gate for the next car to approach, then I got out of my car and walked over to the driver behind, who kindly borrowed me his payment card (I paid him equivalent cash). I got back in my car, tapped his card to get us across the toll gate. Then quickly parked on the side of the tollway, ran back to pass him back his card, then got back in my car and drove on ahead in the tollway.

On another day, I accidentally bumped into the motorcycle in front of me at the traffic congestion. He was a very angry man who shouted at us to get out of the car to settle the matter (I was with Mom). I took out what I thought would more than compensate him and passed to him. His expression changed from anger to surprise, not another word and he rode away. Mom said I gave too much, but I didn’t want to risk troubles given what an angry man he was.

On yet another day, at the different traffic, a motorcycle cut across in front (I was with Mom again) and my car bumped into his motorcyle (again!). I told him he’s at fault too, but he still asked us to go to the side and settle it. Same standard procedure, passed him some cash (a fraction of previous one), and he was happy to ride away. I was told it’s common to have opportunists even if it’s not your fault, so to beware.

And twice more mishaps, although they don’t involve any person: knocking a pillar at the warehouse and the kerb while exiting to the main road.

So you can totally understand when my Mom said she’s a little scared to be in my car! 😬

The scariest one was our trip to South Jakarta to meet my brother for a meal. While in Melbourne, I always opt for ‘avoid toll’ on Google Map. In Indo, I always choose tollway because the small streets can be scary (they call it ‘jalan tikus’ -> directly translated as ‘rat street’, narrow like made for rats?). Google Map doesn’t always work in Jakarta either, especially in the South. They tell you go straight, you look ahead and think, ‘Straight… up, straight down, straight straight..? Which way??’ 🤨 Google Map doesn’t tell you which lane exactly, and when you make a wrong one,.. that’s it. You add on another 30 min to your trip. Worse still it may bring you through jalan tikus 🐁🐁

That’s what happened. Mom was asleep in the car as we left home. When she woke up, I had made a wrong turn and she asked if we’re lost, noticing the surroundings didn’t look quite right. She kept talking as she’s getting anxious, asking me, ‘aren’t you afraid?’

To calm her down, I said, ‘don’t worry, it is ok, we are getting there, getting there..’

Not only in jalan tikus, but at one point the street ahead was closed, so we have to detour elsewhere. Up the slope, down the slope, winding here, winding there, some quite steep and all through really very narrow. When we finally get out to the main road and on entering the shopping mall destination, I glanced at her and said, ‘yes Mom, I was actually scared too!’ 😰 Planned to be 30 min early, ended up 30 min late. When my brother found out what happened, he said, ‘driving in jalan tikus felt like you’re in a James Bond or Bourne movie adventure right?’, and that we all had our share of being terrified. Haha.

Everyday life

One afternoon, a deliveryman dropped off something at our home. Mom later joined me at the couch, swiping through her phone. She saw a video of someone who just died within our residential block. A driver ran over someone at high speed, dragging him under the car and killing him. Turned out the victim was the deliveryman who had only been at our front door half an hour before. He had said it’s the last delivery of the day and he’s going home. He stopped to chat to the security guards at the gate on his way out and ended up killed soon after. The driver was an older man who works at our family’s warehouse, so we heard some of what happened afterward. A tragic accident that doesn’t make sense, it’s really sad 🙁

I chatted with people hearing stories of daily struggles, financial difficulties, a lost family member, family burdens, bleak career outlook, spiritual stagnation and alternative hopes (or distractions?). Shorter chats too with acquaintances and people I come across. I wonder what a life there is to look forward to for some of them.

I met regular hard working people, just trying to make a living and hope for a better life. I talked to some of them who told me of their aspirations, but realistically not many opportunities nor hope for a change. As though a case of being born in the wrong place and time. I admire those who carry on diligently without complaints. As a Christian, it is good news that abundant life is life found in Christ, not about being born in the ‘right’ situations. But what do you say for people who do not know Christ?

I went to the wet/fresh market Mom likes to go to. It is not fresh, it’s in fact the opposite of fresh, it’s food and filth next to each other, flies and bugs infested, and has a bad stench. But Mom doesn’t smell it, used to it.

I followed her around as her assistant and porter. I noticed the money being exchanged and recalled a Singaporean friend who asked me more than two decades ago, ‘why does the money in Indo so dirty and smelly?’ 💴 Not sure why I only think about it now after more than 2 decades. But how can it not be dirty and smelly – go visit Teluk Gong market and see. Why isn’t the market more hygienic? Well, how can the wet market be better than their own homes? That’s why the condition of the society as a whole characterises the country in general. Say, build a nice airport in a place like Medan, it will become a day trip destination for people in nearby villages because it is better than their home, toilets much cleaner, waste management and all.

Even for the wealthy, people use mineral water to wash their face and brush their teeth because water treatment system out of the tap isn’t as good. It is true, I noticed my aligners were kinda yellowish compared to when I’m back in Melbourne.

But here I am, talking about aligners, meanwhile I heard about 35%? of Jakarta population do not even have access to clean water 💦

People talked about the classic problems of having maids in their homes. Part and parcel of it is that they break things they don’t know how to operate, dishes aren’t cleaned properly, they don’t take care of the pots and pans, rice cooker and airfrier, so don’t give them expensive ones to use, it will be a waste. You have the means to buy things for which you don’t enjoy because of the maids. But what can you expect when what they know is how they live in their own homes? It’s part of having maids.

I can’t believe I’m mentioning maids again, often the case when in Indo! Let’s move on..

The family bond

Being away from home, from time to time, I face pressure to go back home (a uniquely Eastern culture?). One uncle is keen to guilt trip me, saying I’m an unfilial daughter otherwise. Funnily, it’s one of my cousins who have gone back who told me she couldn’t remember when the last time she had a nice meal with her Mom, although they now live in the same city. That got me wondering, closer physically doesn’t necessarily mean you take care of them. While I live in Melbourne, yet when I go back to Indo – and it is not seldom – Mom has my full attention. Isn’t it also true that while I’m not in Indo, I am the one who has been bringing her to her medical checks in Malaysia? Oh yes that’s true.

In this trip, my brother said one time that he takes care of the financial part, and other siblings spend the effort and time with Mom. Isn’t that so true? You’ll need someone to earn money. So, I thought how it’s worked for us siblings nicely. All of us are playing different parts in caring for Mom, in different ways and with different capacity. Team work! 🙂🤝

The other thing that stands out to me this time is how strong nepotism is in Indo. Family is the idol. It’s all about my family (which is very unchristian). All kinds of exceptions and special treatments in all aspects of life and business apply by default when it comes to family, sometimes not only that it’s unfair to others, but can even be cruel. I certainly realise I have enjoyed benefits and privileges not because I earn them, but just for the reason of being part of the family. So, this trip makes me ask myself, am I not undeserving for being in my position many times and in many ways too? Because I’m reminded how I sometimes look at others and think to myself that they are undeserving for what they have/enjoy. It’s the fact that many times we ourselves are given better than we deserve too.

I spent time playing board games with my niece and nephew. My nephew asked me one day if I could fix his new toy he’s just broken. I said I could try (I was an engineer after all), so we ended up setting up our own toy workshop at home. It ended up being the first in a line of toys he brought to me. He’s a dinasaur enthusiast, so most of his toys are dinosaurs.

I asked him what he learnt after I fixed the first toy, he said, ‘broken toy can be fixed!’ Oh no… 😅

I did have fun dismantling and fiddling with his dinosaurs, and learnt their difficult names along the way. One time he was totally amazed at what I did in the middle of my troubleshooting, his eyes lighted up, ‘Gu gu (=auntie), do you also find it so satisfying to see the lights could actually turn on without the sounds??’

My Mom told him, ‘I think you need to pay gu gu for her hours of fixing all your toys.’

He said, ‘But why..? This is home.’

So smart, this little rascal.

During the school holiday in June, my brother’s family cancelled their China trip (partly because the kids were not keen, saying there’s no YouTube there haha!). They did a local trip to the mountain instead, which Mom and I joined briefly, staying at Aston Sentul Lake Resort. It’s surprisingly pleasant, it’s clean, the customer service is very good, felt like a rare experience in Indo. I’m impressed and will recommend it, good for a weekend getaway.

Apart from that, I spent good hours, funny times, interesting and some strange conversations with the wider family and relatives too. It felt like one time Mom and I were ‘tricked’ into a private marketing session of what turned out to be multi level marketing scheme initially advertised as a miraculous health products. 😑 My confidence in their so-called amazing product just went down the drain right away when I found out.

At this stage in and state of their lives, health and youth and all that are of the utmost interest. People try all sorts of things, and all at once. One uncle just had an injection for an eye disease, and went for stem cell injection for his kidney treatment, and on to detox retreat at Ko Samui in Thailand (despite warning of how each of those may have impact on the others). A lot of fear, little clarity or hope.

Sadly, the tension in the extended family relationships continue to deteriorate. Someone told me, ‘people here walk around akin to carrying a knife at their back 🔪.’ For all you know, when opportunity presents itself, the same person who just smiles at another will pull out the hidden knife and take a vicious stab at him/her quickly before resuming position 🙄. It was quite animated when I was told that, but isn’t that actually very sad?

Brothers and sisters in Christ

I visited the usual church I go to in Jakarta and also attended one of their seminars on ‘Worship & Liturgy of Life’.

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A good seminar, about alignment of your Sunday Service liturgy with your everyday life liturgy. A few things I remember from it:

• ‘Our ultimate love / desire is shaped by practices, not ideas that are merely communicated to us’ – James K.A. Smith (Desiring the Kingdom)
• ‘Our habits…constitute the fulcrum of our desire: they are the hinge that turns our heart, our love, such that it is predisposed to be aimed in certain directions’ – James K.A. Smith (Desiring the Kingdom)
• Life as a Christian should be liturgical i.e., habit of praying, repenting, mourning, evangelising,..
• We move our hearts to delight in God by our habits.
• We lose the zeal soon after a Sunday Service because our liturgy is only on Sundays, not the rest of the days. Our life is in contradiction, e.g., long prayer on Sunday yet never on the weekdays, uninterested in living according to theology in daily life yet so keen with theology only at church. What is built on Sunday is destroyed in weekdays, and so on it repeats.
• Liturgy is not for nothing. Some meaning of liturgy in church:
  • Clasping of hands –> It is not our works, but God’s the one working.
  • Shutting eyes –> We approach God who is invisible, so shut off from visible distractions around us.
• Recommended books 📚:
  • You are What You Love – The Spiritual Power of Habit (by James K.A. Smith)
  • Desiring the Kingdom (by James K.A. Smith)

It was a delight to meet and chat to brothers and sisters at GRII Bonjer, be if brief or long. That is a blessing in being part of God’s family where you have a bond that goes as deep as the blood of Christ, something very special that is actually quite uncommon elsewhere, considering many times the only thing that bond you with the other is because you are both children of God.

Yet this side of heaven we bump at and hurt each other and be the idiots we all are at different times. Hence, there are plenty of opportunities to grow, be patient, be gracious, forgive, forbear, love, serve in this community. For sure. Even in this short trip, I did feel challenged at some people’s words and behaviour. And so, we have to keep growing in love.

My takeways 🛍️

Many things can be said, but I think overall I feel that..

1. God has been exceedingly kind to me – through my family, all I have and am, and continue to experience and grow, and see and learn, the journey of life, none of what I have done or earned but only by His grace.
2. There is so helpless little I can do – for my family, friends, relatives, people I see on the street.  I couldn’t stop thinking what hope they hold to in life.
3. Yet the burden is not for me to bear (nor could I) – but to understand a little bit more of God’s greatness and His heart for His creation.
4. Still it is my duty to wrestle with I can do – and if I ought to do more, and can do more.

In all, I can rest in Him, although things break apart for others that I see, although it will come for me too later in other ways. There is freedom in knowing a God like Him, and rest. So I can do my best, relying on Him by His strength too. Hence the glory to Him too. 

The sad thing is some of them know none of these and hence unable to rest, nor willing to forgive and let go.  As I told Mom, they have no purpose greater than themselves, and having money and nothing else is a very poor life. I told her of the elderly lady I mentioned at the end of this previous post, who also suffers ailments and loss no less than, say, that uncle in our family. See the goodness of being God’s child, and the rest and joy she does have in the midst of it all.

So, that’s it for this trip.

On my way out at the Jakarta airport in the evening, no blackout this time 😆, instead the immigration system had been down since 4AM.  So you had long queues, kids crying, gentlemen who aren’t too gentlemanly, people fighting (yes, the security guards came to usher them away), and a man coughing at my back while being pre-occupied by his phone the whole time.