It is 2023! The last month has been extremely busy, I haven’t got time to do my usual end of year reflection and new year resolutions. But I guess writing / typing this now may be a way of getting some thoughts going.

Like any other year, I think it’s a mix of things for most. Yesterday was Sun the 1st Jan, so I went to church. At the morning tea after the service, I chatted to a brother who’s lost his wife in recent years. He said this time of the year your feeling of sadness is amplified. And that unfortunately you’ll never get used to it, losing someone after decades of being married, it’s not something you expect to happen. I told him I could hear he had a good marriage, and he concurred it was wonderful.

As I was thinking about it though, what do we expect otherwise? Death is what happens to us for certain, and when it happens, it is only normal in this fallen world. We just don’t take notice until it affects us personally. We live like it’s a shock it should happen to us. The sad reality of life this side of heaven is that everything this world could give you is limited and so their delight will max out at some point. As I’ve heard someone said, be wary of any climactic or over the top kind of experience, because the only direction from there is downward. That would be true with everything created, wouldn’t it? As they’re all finite, to enjoy them rightly is to enjoy them within their limits. Otherwise you’re bound to deep disappointment and devastation.

When you are blessed with a happy marriage (and who would want an unhappy one), it is but short lived. As was rightly said,

.. but such is life, and such the law of its realities in fallen man, that joys prepare the way for sorrows, proportionate in degree. 

The closest unions are but preludes to the keenest separations;

so that, in life’s pictures, each gleam of light is counterbalanced with its shadow;

and, sooner or later, sunny days are sure to usher in a night of darkness.

George Mylne (1843 – 1921)

Not only in marriage, there’re all sorts of limits in friendships and other relationships too. Some things I’ve learnt this year about human love and reliability in relationships is that they’re very weak, limited, with conditions, criterias, and very fickle. That doesn’t mean you lose all hope in people and shut yourself in. Rather, we may still enjoy the good that’s there (and some are real, deep and sweet, aren’t they?), give in kind to others within your capacities, learn what you can from it, recognise its limitation and so be gracious when it’s found wanting.

So I was driving home from church yesterday morning, thinking about the limited and fleeting joys from my earlier conversations at church, not knowing later that night I would receive news from my cousins in Indonesia that my uncle had just suddenly died. The response from some of them are what we commonly hear,

‘it’s so unexpected’,

‘he looked so well just last week’.

Again I am thinking, should that really be such a surprise? It’s of course a shock to our system as sadness and grief strike us, but we are not in touch with reality if we think it is surprising someone should die. I may die quite much sooner than imagined. I didn’t know that breakfast I had with that uncle and my Mom a few months ago was the last I’ll ever see of him. We really shouldn’t suppose we’ll live to a good old age and die peacefully.

Later this week, I will be attending a wedding. Meanwhile, my uncle’s funeral is likely to be the next day after. One day a Christian wedding here, another day a pagan’s funeral there (there have also been more funerals than usual in my church in the past year). But this is what happens all the time, whether or not you are involved. Only knowing God’s sovereign rule over all things brings comfort to the soul in the madness that life brings. So much joy and delight, and so much sadness and despair.

I’m afraid I will rattle on too long, so let me recall just brief thoughts I shared at the end of year gatherings I had with two different groups of friends last month.

More willing obedience ✅

One of the growth areas I see in myself last year is that I think I’m a little more willing to obey (do what is right and do what is kind) when it is difficult, when I find people difficult and things aren’t as according to what I want. In fact, that’s the definition and test of obedience: you obey when God’s will isn’t aligned to yours.

So, I’ve learnt to more actively deny myself. In a way, that comes with freedom because I know whom I am serving. Imagine serving a king who doesn’t know what he wants, has no control over outcomes, who changes mind, and has no power to help you. Well, that’s exactly what it is to serve myself. Or others. For people have many minds and are as unreliable as the Melbourne’s weather! But when you serve God as your King, it’s assuring because He is constant, completely sovereign, with you in all endeavor at all times. You’re not expected to bring something out of nothing, instead He equips you for what He calls you to do, He gives you what you need to give back to Him. You have just one unchanging Audience, doesn’t that make your life simple? Not easy, but simple.

Never as unable, never as assured

I have never felt as unable and inadequate to do the things I’ve been given to do. Yet at the same time, I’ve never felt as sure that God will do His work anyway, and yes He will use me somehow.

So it is with time, the more I serve, the more I am humbled as I learn of my weaknesses and failings. Hence, I learn to lean on Him for resources and strength. And so see it is His work and not mine.

This is also freeing, for the feeling of inability is not accompanied by anxiety. I have been given the assurance that God is reliable and all is in good hands as I go about my best stumbling and fumbling around, giving back to Him what I’ve been entrusted with.

With the very busy year I’ve had (and that we had as a church), for sure we see God’s work in big ways and big things. One of the big journeys we’ve had in 2022 as a church was in seeing how God united us, the leadership first and followed by the congregation, in the potential purchase of the adjacent property to our church. And how we’ve successfully bought it at the end of Nov. That’s a big step for the church as we think about the next 100 years, far after we’re all well dead. 🪦🪦🪦

However, more than seeing visible signs of God’s continuing to work despite all that’s happening in the world, in our country Australia, in our state Victoria, and within our church, I think the most significant work God does is the invisible work in individual’s heart. I learnt that’s what my concern should be, who I am before God. Big or small as things and events appear to us, He uses all of them to shape us and move us to holiness.

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So, those are two reflections I shared at some of the EOY gatherings recently. I’m sure much more can be said, but I’ll stop.. right here 🙂, and just say that most lessons I learnt last year came to me in service. I will share more of that in the next post..!

Meanwhile, here’s a look at the past year or so .. (packed with so many (good) distractions in life, no wonder people lose touch with reality most of the time until it hits them again).

Some moments in the past year or so

~ All the Christmas 🎄 and New Year parties 🎊

~ A year of weddings 💒

~ All the birthdays 🎂

~ Holidays 🎒

~ Cemetery walk 👣

~ Lastly, some precious moments 🙂