Recently I have been quite unsettled. My mind is still rather mixed up although it’s gradually clearing up.

A friend told me some time ago to not crash on my own and to call out when I find I have too much on. While I appreciate the thought, things may often be quite complicated such that you cannot or should not share certain things to certain people, and that could left you pondering on your own – which I have found to be not a bad thing, although distressing at first. At the end of the day, you are on your own (with God that is, and if you don’t even have Him, then you’re indeed on your own).

We speaks of community in the Christian context especially, as we’re supposed to be a family, but it could be quite illusive. People use terms of endearment when they don’t mean it, or even worse, sometimes as a manipulative tool. We know we’re all broken and imperfect, that shouldn’t be surprising. However, recent experience one after another have been very discouraging that I question if I’ve been asleep. Else why the shock?

People are people 🖤

It still surprises me each time I hear the saying ‘people are born kind’. I wonder how obtuse one can get to speak out those words and actually believes it. Even if you don’t know any other human being, don’t you perceive what’s in yourself? It certainly doesn’t take much nor long to see filth.

Each time I am wronged, normally I quite easily see how I have or could have done the same thing to another. We’re all so damaged that we still feel so indignant when wronged. It’s so ironic because I see the same sin in myself, one way or another.

The pretense of friendships that aren’t genuine, the smiles up the front that’s as wide as the smiling Buddha and yet doesn’t have some basic courtesy in other matters, the cowardice of telling simple truth hence covering it with consecutive lies, the plain unreliability, the insensitive treatment of others that are thoughtless and outright offensive, the conscious choice of a lazy mediocre wasted life day after day, the extremely limited and flippant love for others, the concealed lowly motives of something outwardly praiseworthy, the once thought of rich fellowship that crumbled in an instant. Again, shouldn’t be surprised, should I? But it’s sad and discouraging, and causing more internal turmoil than I’d like to admit when I’m at the receiving end of the wrongs.

Reset your perspective 🔎

Disappointments in life contain in it many lessons if you would gather them.

When I see any wrong in others (done to myself or others), my default reaction is to judge. However, the first thing I should be thinking of is the common frail humanity we share. E.g., If I see mixed motives in others, it should make me think of any wrong motives I may have.

If they have failed me in being a genuine friend, I should be asking if I have been a genuine friend to others? Even if the answer is yes and it is not appreciated or reciprocated, it is ok. I have a true friend in Jesus – as Christians, we all have the most worthy Friend of all. And if all the hurtful experience draws me to Him, let it be, for it is a good end.

Thirdly, while on the horizontal level (between people to people) I may indeed be wronged, yet I must not forget that on the vertical level (between me and God), He never wrongs me whatever else I may experience in this life. Everything is grace, including the bad days.

Fourthly, it’s an opportunity to put into practice what I’ve kept in my head, the lessons I’ve been taught, such as:

• Do good, expecting nothing in return
  • Only when you’re in the thick of it do you feel how hard it is to practice?
• Do not store up for yourself treasures on Earth
  • Because I highly value approval, applause and acceptance from others, so when I’m ignored or treated as an afterthought, I’m deeply hurt. If I hadn’t placed such value on those, and yes, on myself too, then it wouldn’t have affected me that much.
  • Those are the vain things of this world. If you want to know what not to be concerned about, those are them: approval and accolades from fellow men.
  • While it’s natural for everyone to want acceptance, I should do better, because as a Christian I know better.
• Do not keep a record of wrong
• Love your enemies
  • If you do all the above, then you can. Loving in how you choose to act lovingly despite all.

Fifthly, realise that much of the reaction is fuelled by mere passion. As Christians, we should not be ruled by passion that come to our natural self, but to be ruled by the truth of God and guided by His Word. What it looks like, I have to learn. What’s the use of having so much head knowledge of what I ought to do when I don’t put them into practice? So, go live them out.

Sadness that transforms 🌤

Recently, in a discussion with some friends, it is quoted:

A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero dies but once.

William Shakespeare

It is the case with things like anxiety. A coward dies a thousand deaths by worrying and being frightened before the occurrence of what’s feared, so they suffer umpteen times instead of just once when tragedy hits (which may not even come, nor is as bad as imagined when it does happen).

It also happens that people suffer doubly (unnecessarily) when they are anxious that they are anxious. Or depressed that they are in fact depressed. Likewise, sad that they are actually sad.

But I think there is a kind of double sadness that actually does good (the 2nd type of the below). You can be sad that you are sad because:

• You do not expect it but it comes.
  • You are just unprepared and this is rather futile.
  • You see the reality clearer in its bleakness, but you’re still not addressing the root cause of why you are thus affected in the first place.
• It reveals where your idol is.
  • your wrong heart is in the right place to think in this direction.
  • This can be transformative in undoing both the sadness, i.e., if you deal with the idols causing the sadness, then you will be in a state to respond better to a similar situation in future, and you also won’t need to feel the second sadness abt the idol of your heart if you have properly addressed it.

That are some good clarity I need – one of the benefits of writings 🙂

A glimpse is but a glimpse, so it is with the community of believers as a glimpse of heaven. But just a glimpse. Let it be a reminder this is not my home and so rest my hope on the mercy Giver instead, while not letting the disappointment slays the right enjoyment of what’s a mere glimpse.