I went back to Indo when Melbourne was cooling down rapidly last month. I am glad to escape a bit of that cold. Then, the warmth that greeted me on landing there.. was no kidding warm! 🔥😱

Partly due to the hot weather, I am surprised how wearing mask has become a culture 😷😷😷 (though no longer a requirement). I kept finding myself to be the odd one out without mask wherever I went.

An unexpected witness

Mom signed me up for an auntie’s party. It’s to celebrate the third of her grandchildren’s graduation from the University 👩‍🎓👩‍🎓👨‍🎓. She has grandchildren whose education she funded pretty much by herself. So this milestone was a big deal for her.

Toward the end of the party, she thanked everyone for coming. One uncle asked her to sing (this is one of those typical Asian parties where uncles / aunties got up on stage regardless of their singing ability and sang their (normally Hokkien) songs, karaoke style). 🎤😎

At first she said she hadn’t prepared, but he kept insisting. So she said ok and started singing without music accompaniment.

It wasn’t what anyone expected (my uncle was just trying to get her to sing some random happy song with no depth). But it’s a song thanking Jesus for seeing her through all her life struggles, and that because she belongs to Him, all is well. Auntie had lost her husband and two sons to death, and estranged from her daugther years back. You could see she’s singing from her heart and was quite emotional.

One of my cousins sitting nearby said, ‘she’s a true believer,’ and continued, ‘.. with her kind of life, understanable she needs something to hold on to.’

Not only hers, any kind of life needs that, because at some point something’s gonna hit you and hit you hard.

Later on someone else said, ‘she gets support from her church community through all the tragedies of her life.’

Yes, she got help here and there, but when she gives glory, it is to God. It says something about the impact God has on her life, for it takes guts and conviction to do what she did. If it’s just the community you hold on to, it will give way at some point (and given her age, she’s likely have experienced that). She recognised the ultimate help is from God.

That was an encouraging start to my holiday.

Ancestors worship ⛩

It’s a tradition for many generations already.

To prepare for this worship, they cleared the space outside the house where the cars were. I thought it was so visitors have space to park (other extended families come to our house on those days too), but it’s actually to welcome the gods instead (were cars blocking their way… ?).

Family member who died becomes part of the ancestors list.

One of my uncles died recently. I heard the phone conversations Mom had with others in the family which I find very strange.

‘He’s always been so thoughtful, never wanted to trouble people. So now when we’re both out of the country (both Mom and her sister were overseas), he chose this time to die so we won’t be inconvenienced by his funeral etc, oh big brother, why so thoughtful.’

It makes no sense to me at all… I said,

‘Mom, I think the reality is rather: he was gasping for breath and struggling, ‘I can’t breathe! Help! I don’t wanna die..!’ … But he died.’

They made it as though their thinking around his death was facts. 🤨

Anyway, apart from the special days of ancestor worship, they also light the incense sticks daily. I asked Mom to switch to digital incense sticks instead. I can smell it, especially as I slept in her room at night, which is next to the living room where the altar is. Sometimes when I walked out to the kitchen at night, the living room was foggy with smokes like a temple. They’re so used to it they hardly noticed it, while I was wishing for digital sticks every night I smelled it.

My brother said it’s my problem, my sense of smell is too sharp, like a dog’s 🐶. Like my haircut was like a puppy’s too he said 😂

Change past 70

When I left Indo last trip last year, Mom was still trying to find the non-existent bridge she insisted on.

Mom is also still a serial message communicator. E.g., Let say she wants the chauffer to pick up food from Auntie. She would send a text, then a voice note, then call the chauffer right after, all for the same message. She then proceeded to do the same to tell Auntie that he’s going to pick up from her. Then perhaps she would also text Auntie’s helper to ask her to pass the food to the chauffer. I am stressed just hearing all that. ‘May be try one clear line of communication,’ I said to her, ‘it confuses people when multiple messages are bombarded in different directions to different people, and can be annoying too!’ But that’s how it’s been and people can’t change in old age, some says.

However, I gladly saw some good changes this time I went back. She had started joining a group of people for morning exercise in the neighbourhood. They exercised, danced, and socialised together.

You might find it surprising, but this is kind of her first social life after more than 7 decades. Recently she said, ‘when you made a real friend, they’re really your friend!’

She said back when they’re young, who had the time for friends..? When you get married, your whole life is invested in and spent for that family, you’re busy with home stuffs etc. No time to look outside. It’s a matter of culture too, which I think is sad. It’s a culture where you idolise your family (not even just family in general, but just your family) like there’s no other important things worth giving your life and time to. I’m just so glad and happy for her that she has these friends and now goes out with them by herself i.e., not just a family / extended family functions.

Another good change is, here comes the drum rolls 🥁🥁🥁🥁 …:

She is not watching those rubbish taiwanese TV series anymore…! I’m so pleasantly surprised seeing her watching other TV series instead. They’re still a bit too dramatic and silly at times, but… when it came to comparing to those Hokkien speaking taiwanese TV series, I mean it can’t get any worse. So, I’ll congratulate anyone who moves on from that unhealthy ever going hundreds of episodes with no central theme filled with only narcissistic people quarreling in the most melodramatic way for no good reason.

Mom’s so funny, when she watched her non-Taiwanese series on Youtube and there’s a commercial break, one time I heard her saying, ‘bo lang ai ciak lah!’ (=Just move on! No one wants to eat!), talking to the food commercial 🤣

Anyway, one more good thing Mom is doing now is that she’s taking tofu orders from her friends and also our family and relatives. There’s a seller from Bogor (town near Jakarta) who will make a trip to Jakarta if the order exceeds certain number of tofus. Apparently it’s especially soft and yummy. So, now every week, she became the administrator who took orders from everyone and on Tue morning when the tofu seller arrived at our front door, people will come pick up theirs. It’s like a part time volunteer work for her 😄.

By the way, there is no escaping Melbourne winter. I’ve indeed come back to Melbourne winter 🥶.