My friends asked, ‘Didn’t you just go back to Indo? You’re going back AGAIN??’

That’s right, that’s why my brother said he would have fired me. He can’t understand which part of the world or what kind of work I do that allow me to travel back so frequently 😅

Well well, I’m not complaining.

While I was happy to meet family, I wasn’t thrilled when I looked at my itinerary as I do not enjoy traveling (especially flights), for reasons listed at the end of this previous post.

Anybody awake yet? 🛬

Landing on CGK in the morning, the building was a bit dark. I thought people were still asleep. As I walked to the Ladies,.. it’s surely too dark. Standing in the queue, I heard a lady calling out to the janitor, ‘there is no water! My hands are in soap already, what now?’

The janitor replied, ‘sorry Ma’m, mati lampu (=blackout), may be try the toilet water?’ 🚽

Oops. May be bottled water is a better option..

As I joined the others at the baggage collection belt and thinking, ‘blackout at the airport.. 😦’, a staff came around apologizing, ‘mati lampu ya, maaf, belt ga bisa jalan, ga tau kapan.’ (=sorry, it’s a blackout, so the belt isn’t moving, not sure for how long).

I’m sure this doesn’t happen frequently. So it’s kinda surprising for the Indonesians to find it unsurprising nonetheless. Not that it happens all the time, but that it’s not unexpected for an essential service to be unreliable in Indonesia. You ask what’s the difference between a first world and developing country, here’s one: this will be a headline news in Melbourne. In Jakarta? It’s just another day! 😛

Just landed, it’s time to fly out again! 🛫

The very next day, I returned to Jakarta airport to be on our way to Medan city (with Mom).

On arrival to my cousin’s, we found them busy sorting out the guests seatings for her engagement party (the next day!). In Melbourne, it’s up to the bride & groom, as a guest you just turn up and sit as allocated. However, that’s not how things work in Medan. As many think they are entitled to special treatment, they request for a particular table with or away from whomever, and change their minds repeatedly. No wonder less than a day to the event, the family was still scratching their heads over this seating puzzle. Hard-to-please guests, as though the party is about them 🤔

I feel sorry as I hear them lamenting the culture where they live. It is exhausting, like living daily on a Wayang stage (‘Panggung Wayang’) – I thought that’s such a fitting way to describe Medan. They said there is indeed no free lunch, people are faking it, trying to near you for the benefit they can get (especially when you are wealthy), people aren’t sincere but congratulate you so to pressure you to invite them to your event, and odd things like that.

In fact I’ve always been impressed by how my uncle and cousins manage living where it’s saturated with facades, for they’re quite simple and down-to-earth people. Not suited living in such place. I don’t think it’s a healthy culture for anyone at all, but there are many who hop on the puppet stage eagerly and intuitively anyhow. Not them though.

So, when my uncle asked me as we chatted, ‘how long were you in S’pore for?’

‘Over ten years.’

He said, ‘bo kan tan (= that’s quite something!), even a few days in S’pore is already quite something for me.’

Then I asked, ‘uncle, how long have you been in Medan….? Now, that is SOMETHING!’

Medan. Decades. We pondered over it in silence.. 😮

Precious chats out of the hectic

What’s most worthwhile were these chats I had with them. Not having too many such opportunities, when we do meet, it may be a conversation that takes back to their life a good long time ago.

While staying in their home, I had the precious time spent over meals hearing my uncle sharing his thoughts on how many now spent the money they worked hard for on medical costs, because it’s costed their health all those years. I learnt about his existing businesses and his daily routines to keep fit. I also found out he had once been in a KFC eating competition 🍗🍗 🍗 with my auntie: see who surrenders not eating it for the next meal first. He lost after a few days. Hahaa, this kind of craziness runs wide in our family 😅

He also talked about his garden and that hopefully God will let him live longer as he waits to see the completion of that long term bonsai project. I feel really sad that I’m not sure what hope or assurance I can point him to when they only have their hands on things in creation that will surely pass. I can listen, but how much real hope in life and death can I hold out to them? God’s mercy is what we need.

I also had good chats with some cousins and more brief chats with other uncles and aunties. Yes, about what I do for work that allows me so many days of leave 🤣. Also of how they have been, what they are doing, their aspiration and struggles, upcoming trips planned for, and about loved ones who are sick and old. Some ways they cope are by calling friends overseas who understand them, staying away from social media (that’s a good one), traveling overseas to recharge, or making promises to God in hope of better outcomes. I suggested things like ‘take a break once a week, it’s a good pattern, may help you function better’, ‘what about picking up a hobby?’, ‘give me a call when you need to chat’, ‘come visit me in Melbourne some time’. It feels so little I can do. Not that I’ve got it altogether, nor that it’s in my position nor is it my responsibility to sort out people’s lives, but that it’s quite right to feel their struggles.

These are people the society think have it alright. I also chatted to one of the hotel trainees who looked sad at the hotel elevator on the engagement party day. She told me life is tough, work is hard, she’s sad she couldn’t go home (she’s not from Medan, she’s now renting a place by herself). When I later passed her some goodies from the party, her face just lit up. I also suggested her to try going to a church for community (I hope she does, and I sure hope that the church will be welcoming).

You don’t get these in Melbourne

We managed to do other things in the brief Medan trip. Here are some I note:

~ The Bank trip 🏦

Looks are so important that even the outward look of a note matters. For example, the US Dollar notes 💵. Apparently, people only want a certain version and it cannot be folded. It has to look like it’s right out of the printing machine. Else, it’s got no value as noone wants them. It baffles me, the value is intrinsically the same, it buys things all the same! But not in Medan (or Indo in general perhaps). That’s so bizzare, blew my mind 🤯. Hence, the banker always shows you when they pass you and said look, it’s ‘legitimate’. You could have given me a note folded in fifteen different ways and I wouldn’t a care in the world!

The other strange thing is you have to give them reason for withdrawing your own money.

Even more interesting is that the banker told Mom that children living overseas (like me) are too honest.

Because..?

We pay our taxes.

I commented perhaps one of the reasons people have much to complain about basic amenities and infrastructure in Indo is because they are not willing to pay taxes in the first place. Although they say corruption is the reason they don’t pay their tax, I think it’s more of a convenient excuse. Why is it that generally it’s the Asian businesses right here in Melbourne who do not go digital with their payment system (so to evade tax)? If it’s in you, you will do it anyhow and find ways to justify it. I’m not saying Asians are the only ones who evade taxes, but you get my point.

She said they want to enjoy the fruit of their labour, instead of giving any of it to the government. Well, I’m thankful in the West we do see our taxes being put to tangible good use, that is why a commoner here enjoys a better quality of life than the upper class in Indo (say, in things as basic cleanliness, hygienic waste management, general safety, basic accessible health care, reliable emergency services, etc). I asked her if she thinks they who spend their life making sure any wealth they amass goes into their own storehouses in Indo are happier than those who live honestly and simply overseas? Hard to argue for it by just looking around people you know..

~ Give me pills 💊💊

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. It seems like people take medicines for little things.

What’s worse is they self-prescribe. On this trip, Mom had been a little unwell. So, one auntie just gave her antibiotics and she took them. When I told her I don’t think that’s a good idea and it could be worse for you in some cases, she called a relative who is a doctor and asked him how long she should take it for. I mean, they don’t do proper checks and prescription, they just go with it. I find that concerning..

And very little tolerance to wait out the illness that could get well by itself e.g., sleeping it off. People want magic pill and quick fix instead.

~ Now that we are concerned about safety ❎✅

One thing I notice (again) this time is the masks. Still seeing many wearing everywhere 😷😷😷

‘To be safe,’ they said.

What about seat belts..? Yea, who cares 😅

Masks everywhere, yet something as basic as seat belt in cars, no one cares. More than that, I saw my cousin driving while spoonfeeding her daughter sitting next to her 🥄, and also holding her toy and entertaining her daughter in various ways!

BTW, we also had a blackout during most of our reflexology session, but I guess that’s not nearly as critical as a blackout in the airport!

~ Yummy yet scary 😬

It cannot be overstated that Medan city does have tasty food 👍👍

However! Coupled with the risk of grossly over-eating, sometimes I’m not sure I should tell what I’m craving for..

As we’re having dinner outside, my auntie asked, ‘what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?’ I was still enjoying dinner and hasn’t yet thought about brekky, but I said, ‘..I’ll have the leftover TipTop cakes in your fridge.’ 🍰 (They are the best sponge cakes I ever had, try it if you’re in Medan!)

That night while I was asleep, she woke me up, ‘what do you feel like having for breakfast tomorrow?’ Half-asleep I said, ‘.. the TipTop cake.’

‘What else?’

‘… the plain buns in your fridge?’

‘What else?’

‘… ‘ 😴

She said, ‘ok, you think about it.’ Then she left.

In the morning (I was still asleep), this time Mom woke me up, ‘what do you want for breakfast?’

‘The TipTop cakes..’

‘What else?’ ‘The buns in their fridge..’

‘Something else?’

Just to end this, I thought out something, I said, ‘..char kway teow.’

‘You’ll have to eat it immediately when it arrives so it tastes good.’

I just wanted to sleep, so I said, ‘alright, what about bihun?’

At the breakfast table, I realised they’ve bought ‘ak bihun’ (duck noodle soup 🍜) instead of the fried bihun I meant. I was just pointing that out, but it’s not an issue at all, very happy to eat the ak bihun. That was such a wrong move.

As auntie joined us, Mom told her it was a mistake, and the whole world broke loose. When she learnt that I actually wanted the char kway teow at first, she said, ‘no worries, we’ll get you the char kway teow.’ It’s past 8am, and we’re leaving to the airport at 11am, and I’ve had my breakfast. I said, ‘don’t worry about it, I’m kinda full with the ak bihun already. And I still have the TipTop too.’

She said, ‘that’s alright, you eat those cakes, and then you eat char kway teow before you leave to airport.’

‘It’s really fine, I have enough.’

Auntie glared at me annoyed, ‘you will eat char kway teow at 10:30am!!’

Oh no 😦. So, I ended up eating all three for my breakfast. I cannot even believe I am spending so much time telling you about this.

Just so you know how scary this is, here’re what I had for breakfast! (images illustration from facebook, Tiptop IG, and a website respectively).

Be careful what you ask for. Else, you better be very hungry. In this culture, that’s how they show their love, but isn’t that a bit scary when you’re commanded to eat up such a breakfast? 😅

~ 🚬 The smokes ..

Among the many amazing food places, we went to Bintang that has very yummy steamed fish and fried chicken.

Yet one thing I can’t stand is the smoking. The non-smoking area is indoor, but you can certainly smell the smokes. To get to the non-smoking area, you’ll also have to walk past the outdoor filled with smokes.

Even for cafes and restaurants inside the airport, the non-smoking area is not properly shielded. For some it’s literally one same air-conditioned room with a partition that meant nothing. When we tried to go into the airport lounge, I asked the lady at the front desk if it’s a smoking space as I smelled it right there. She said it’s non-smoking, but it’s the restaurant next to the lounge that have smoking area (and the smell was so strong!). So we didn’t go in the end and found one of the cafes that’s less smoky than the others. Still pretty bad..

One side thing related to the airport, you have to lock up everything you check in. As Mom’s luggage was fully packed, I said, ‘give me that thing, I can slip it at the front compartment of my luggage.’ They said, no! It likely will be gone, don’t put things where it’s just zipped away (not locked). I was thinking, who would open up people’s luggage front zip in search of treasure? But they do, that’s why it’s become a practice for people to lock everything up 🔐🔐

It’s a different place, they’re right. Even at the luggage scan on entering the airport, you feel it as people pushed at each other, operating without any concept of courtesy or privacy. And when you go into the toilet, I don’t think it’s just the standard of cleaning, but it’s perhaps more an users issues too.

I can carry on saying things I notice to be different in this trip and why I find this Batman poster amusing when I saw it as I was leaving the city to the airport.

But these things I mentioned mean little to my wider family of why I find Melbourne to be a more livable city. In one of my chats with uncle on how exhausting life is and insincere people are in Medan, I told him, ‘but there are genuine friends.. I have many in Melbourne. There’s a lightness to life, and that’s one of the reasons why I enjoy living in Melbourne..’ Culture makes a huge difference, and more so the immediate community you’re in.

The Engagement Party

Before I end, I haven’t forgotten I was actually there for my cousin’s engagement party.

Related to the Medan culture mentioned above, after the event people were discussing how one guest wore a $3k dress, and another it’s just $100 dress, and see how they each look on the same photo, etc. As my brother said, ‘why would people know she wears a 3k dress if she hadn’t flaunted it?’ And that’s what the aunties concern themselves with, the chatter that makes you wonder. $3k on a dress is certainly something I don’t understand. Nor do I understand the pricey bottle of wine uncle gave to my cousins to entertain their friends. I honestly don’t understand, what is a $1.6k bottle of wine? I could eat so many TipTop cakes with that.

Another thing I don’t understand is Wawa eating durian. It’s a dog with skin disease that my uncle adopted.

One sad thing that did cross my mind was when one uncle commented that last year we were here for a wedding too, and next year, whose wedding would it be? I’m afraid it may be a funeral instead that gather us all next, and surely it will be in years to come.